Killer Roach Attack and a Nightly Tsunami

Last night I was taking a walk around my new neighborhood. It was a lovely evening, just walking and thinking and minding my own business when all of a sudden, out of no where, the biggest, most scariest, man-eating cockroach comes FLYING at me. I run and dart about screaming my head off and the thing actually touched my leg. IT TOUCHED MY LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I must get the cockroach residue off of me and shower as much as ol' Clydesdale up there.

This should be part of the "Clydesdale Chronicles" but that girl showers like there is no tomorrow. Which usually means at least twice a day. And she seems to take a bath before the shower in the morning...and at night. I know it sounds like I need to make better use of my time than trying to figure out what the Britney Look-A-Like is doing up there, but every time she turns on the water, which is about every 5 minutes, it sounds like a tsunami is in my apartment. I have to turn the TV up to full volume and sometimes I still can't hear it. Good thing I have a DVR so that I can rewind and hear all the important things those Real Worlders' are saying... I'm such a loser...that got body-slammed by a human-sized cockroach from hell.

The Clydesdale Chronicles...

So, I'm trying to figure out, what exactly she is doing...that girl that lives above me. It sounds like big Budweiser horse is running around up there. It also sounds like she is constantly moving around furniture. Maybe she has Chronic Redecorating Syndrome. (CRS?) A big horse moving around furniture all day and all night in the apartment right above me. Maybe this makes a big mess because she then feels the need to vacuum at least once a day, sometimes twice, at like 1:00, 2:00 in the morning on a weekday. Why? She can’t possibly get any sleep. I'd say maybe she was a tweaker...but she's fat. Tweakers aren't fat are they? I'm not well researched in the tweaker area. So I'm only making an uneducated guess here.

The girl reminds me of Britney. She looks just like her (post Kevin Federline, of course). She's got the horribly dried out and thinning bleached hair. She's even got the K-Fed look-a-like boyfriend. He dresses just like him and he's smaller and skinnier than her. I swear in the entire time I've lived here (3 months) I've heard them having sex one time. It was hilarious. I heard the bed squeaking then the "Oh God! Oh God!" Then it stopped. Like 5 minutes later, footsteps to the shower, then nothing. How sad. No wonder she walks around all day looking like she smells poo. I've smiled at her, but she just scowls.