So I went to a bar as a total third wheel this weekend with Tammi and her man and a boy comes up and says, first thing, "so what do you do?" To which we laughed about all night. Like he really cares as he is staring down at my new cleavage. So that gave me time to think of a really good answer but ended up telling the truth. As his eyes gloss over with boredom I go into more interesting tales of divorce, meningitis, boob jobs and infection-riddled tattoos.
I now have a new experiment I'm going to do each time I go out. I'm going to tell the guys that inevitably ask me what I do something really random and off the wall. Like that I don't work and just sleep with rich boys. Or that I inherited a porn theater. Or that I'm a drug dealer. Or that the Virology Department at the University pays me to let them do experiments on me. Or that I get disability for having “mental issues” and then start looking around the bar all paranoid and hide under a table sucking my thumb until he goes away. Or maybe that I own a mongoose farm in Africa and I am just passing through the states trying to sell some of the little guys to zoos. Or perhaps that I’m a geneticist and I’m currently working on crossing a wolf with a duck and that my colleagues and I are arguing over whether to call the little mutant a Wock or a Dulf. Stuff like that. Takes the boredom out of being the third wheel.
*On a side note, the “so what do you do?” guy looked like Frankenstein. His head was very large and square and all he needed was a couple of bolts on each side of his neck. And some personal "head handlers" to hold up that massive noggin of his with giant poles wherever he went...
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