This past weekend I went to E-rock's mom's house for Easter. Actually, with 3 horses, 3 goats, 2 chickens, a dog that looks like it's been run over a few times and 4 cows, it's more of a ranch than a house.
Casa Grande is an interesting place. It's like an Apache Junction upgrade...not much of one, but an upgrade nonetheless. Like when you drive down the un-graded roads and you pass a neighbor you do the "AJ Wave" (as in “Apache Junction Wave”) where you don't even bother to lift your arm up and wave. You just barely lift two to four fingers up in the air and slightly nod your head.
So back to the animals, namely the cows. One in particular cow was absolutely in love with me. Seriously. He is brown and looks like a "Spanish bull" so they named him Tony Bandana (sort of like the Casa Grande version of Antonio Banderas). He's all serious and broody. As we were watching E-rock's mom and her boyfriend try to give a horse a bath (that's a story for another time), I would start to feel the coldness of a murderous stare on my back. I glanced over to see Tony and his beady cow eyes giving me "the look". Like the "undressing me with his eyes" kind of look. He wanted to have cow sex with me.
It was like a scene in a Quinten Tarantino movie. I look across a crowded square…of cows...all minding their own business and see Tony Bandana standing there, completely still, staring at me with those Latin Lover eyes. Like a stalker, or a private eye hired by a stalker, dreaming of my naked body. Tony's probably over there in Casa Grande right now cutting pictures out of those wedding magazines and gluing pictures of our heads over the heads of the happy couples. If he had hands instead of hooves. And opposable thumbs, I suppose.
Sure he's got the Ethiopian kid fly syndrome and a tiny brain...but he's only got eyes for me!
So back to the animals, namely the cows. One in particular cow was absolutely in love with me. Seriously. He is brown and looks like a "Spanish bull" so they named him Tony Bandana (sort of like the Casa Grande version of Antonio Banderas). He's all serious and broody. As we were watching E-rock's mom and her boyfriend try to give a horse a bath (that's a story for another time), I would start to feel the coldness of a murderous stare on my back. I glanced over to see Tony and his beady cow eyes giving me "the look". Like the "undressing me with his eyes" kind of look. He wanted to have cow sex with me.
It was like a scene in a Quinten Tarantino movie. I look across a crowded square…of cows...all minding their own business and see Tony Bandana standing there, completely still, staring at me with those Latin Lover eyes. Like a stalker, or a private eye hired by a stalker, dreaming of my naked body. Tony's probably over there in Casa Grande right now cutting pictures out of those wedding magazines and gluing pictures of our heads over the heads of the happy couples. If he had hands instead of hooves. And opposable thumbs, I suppose.
Sure he's got the Ethiopian kid fly syndrome and a tiny brain...but he's only got eyes for me!
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