I really love hippos. You know when they ask you in interviews if you could be an animal what would you be and you are supposed to say something thoughtful and profound like a tiger or a wolf or eagle or something. Well, I always say a hippo. Because I like them. They are funny looking and just chill all day in a pond with their friends and wiggle their tiny ears around. But if a big ol' mean alligator comes around, that hippo opens it's ginormous mouth and eats the gator with those stupid looking peg teeth. I wonder what goes through the interviewer's head when a person says they would be a hippo and gives no explanation other than they are funny looking and have peg teeth.
I love when they ask about your strengths and weaknesses. Everyone gives the same scripted and rehearsed answers like, my strengths are my positive attitude, my ability take on several projects at once … blah blah. Then the doozie (is that really how you spell doozie? Doosie? Doozy?) is the weakness. Everyone says the same thing. I'm a perfectionist. But if we were honest in these interviews, what would we really say?
Q: Jenn, what are your strengths?
A: Well, I am quite an amazing multitasker. I can do my work, write emails, design my MySpace page and talk on my cell phone while reading my latest Us Weekly and shopping for shoes online.
Q: Ok, well what would you say was your biggest weakness?
A: That's a good question. Very original. I'd have to say my biggest weakness is that I steal office supplies by the boat load. Not that I have a boat. I also don't think you could afford me. Is that a weakness? That I'm expensive?
Q: Um, ok, if you could be any animal what would you choose?
A: I'd be a platypus.
Q: A platypus?
A: Yeah. (snicker)
Q: Why?
A: It's fun to say. Platypus. Say it. It's funny. Plus, is it a duck? A beaver? A mammal or a bird? What is it?
Q: So you think that a platypus represents you as a person?
A: You know when you say a word over and over it doesn't sound like a word anymore? Platypus. Who thought of that? Like toilet. Toilet. Toilet toilet toilet toiiiiilett. Doesn't sound like a word anymore, huh.
Q: What can you bring to our company that none of the other candidates have?
A: Big hair. Really, my hair is naturally big. I would even say that my hair is almost it's own entity. It's like you get two people for the price of one. Actually, could you pay me extra for the hair? And I wear glasses for real. Not just to look smart in an interview. I'm blind as a bat without them. Don't even get me started on my night vision...
I love when they ask about your strengths and weaknesses. Everyone gives the same scripted and rehearsed answers like, my strengths are my positive attitude, my ability take on several projects at once … blah blah. Then the doozie (is that really how you spell doozie? Doosie? Doozy?) is the weakness. Everyone says the same thing. I'm a perfectionist. But if we were honest in these interviews, what would we really say?
Q: Jenn, what are your strengths?
A: Well, I am quite an amazing multitasker. I can do my work, write emails, design my MySpace page and talk on my cell phone while reading my latest Us Weekly and shopping for shoes online.
Q: Ok, well what would you say was your biggest weakness?
A: That's a good question. Very original. I'd have to say my biggest weakness is that I steal office supplies by the boat load. Not that I have a boat. I also don't think you could afford me. Is that a weakness? That I'm expensive?
Q: Um, ok, if you could be any animal what would you choose?
A: I'd be a platypus.
Q: A platypus?
A: Yeah. (snicker)
Q: Why?
A: It's fun to say. Platypus. Say it. It's funny. Plus, is it a duck? A beaver? A mammal or a bird? What is it?
Q: So you think that a platypus represents you as a person?
A: You know when you say a word over and over it doesn't sound like a word anymore? Platypus. Who thought of that? Like toilet. Toilet. Toilet toilet toilet toiiiiilett. Doesn't sound like a word anymore, huh.
Q: What can you bring to our company that none of the other candidates have?
A: Big hair. Really, my hair is naturally big. I would even say that my hair is almost it's own entity. It's like you get two people for the price of one. Actually, could you pay me extra for the hair? And I wear glasses for real. Not just to look smart in an interview. I'm blind as a bat without them. Don't even get me started on my night vision...
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