Turkish arm skin and dead babies

I got a call from my gay friend Mike to get everyone together so we can try out this Turkish restaurant that has belly dancers. So we arrive and get the “VIP Treatment” in the “VIP Room” which is just a small wall separating it from the rest of the restaurant. Oh and you get pillows instead of chairs to sit on.

There was a lovely Turkish band playing, you know, flutes, bongo thingies all the good stuff. The only thing is, this is a very small room, and they still felt the need for microphones and a speaker the size of a cow. So we yelled and yelled and of course once the music stopped the ever-embarrassing yell of the burning of an STD is heard round the room. Oops.

And oh, the belly dancer. She would dance and swing those silly white girl hips around until you gave her money like you would give a stripper. So every time she came around, we would do everything and anything to avoid eye contact. Stare at forks, build double-headed dildos with our food, and hide condiments in Tammi’s cleavage and purse. (This is actually a national pastime for us. No matter where we are we will always try to put everything that is on the table into Tammi’s bag. It’s a thing.)

The food comes and of course, Kerie gets the large turd-shaped penis thing that ended up being thrown around the table and in Tammi’s purse and god knows where else. Daniel got this plate called Donor-kabob or something. It said Donor. So when he gets it, I swear it looked like shavings of native Turkish baby arms. He was straight eating donated baby arm skin. It was apparently pretty tasty though. Kerie's on her 4th or 5th Melon Ball and E-rock is drunk, doing shots alone and to the point of ordering “Grey Goose and vodka, please”.

Somehow we got on the subject of Mexican breast implants. (Our dinner conversations usually always turn around to our boobs at some point in the evening.) We were wondering what they would be filled with, Tequila being the obvious choice. Then when you have a kid and you tell people "My baby never cries. He's so good!" they can only reply with "Um...that's because he's dead.” We have no problem killing babies with alcohol poisoning by breast feeding and then eating their donated arm skin. No problem at all.