My name is Jenn and I'm retarded.

I should have started the day off by hitching a ride to work on the short bus. I will super fast-forward through this stupid day, to after work, after more wedding dress shopping with Tammi and straight to the drive-thru of Chick-fil-A. I ordered. I paid. I set my wallet on the passenger seat. I pulled up to the the special drive-thru trash can and picked up a handful of bags off the seat and tossed them.

I go home, pack, eat, do some other stupid retarded things. THEN I look for my wallet. THEN I even notice it is missing. 2 HOURS LATER. I somehow persuaded my poor mother to go to Chick-fil-A with me and dumpster dive for a good half hour in which we cannot find the bag with my garbage in it, let alone my wallet. Why would my wallet be in there? WHY??

I DON'T DESERVE TO OWN A WALLET ANYMORE. Those rights should have been revoked when I lost my wallet all full of my passport and money down in Mexico. They should revoke these rights to me because I am not normal. Because this is not my first foray into dumpster diving outside of a fastfood restaurant. That was when I threw my retainer away. See, they should not let me out with the rest of society.

So now I'm thinking those wallet chains that most dudes wear as a fashion statement that I secretly sorta dig could be a necessity for the wallet-y challenged such as I. But then I'd have to wear my wallet in my back pocket right? Sooo don't want to do that. Plus my wallet is big. Like check sized. Can't fit that monstrosity in the back pocket of my True Religion hand-me-downs. No sirree.

**UPDATE**
This morning I went out to my car to get a hoodie or something out of my trunk and there it was. My wallet. Looking all smug and mocking me. Laughing because I actually looked through a dumpster and canceled my debit cards. Bastard.