I need a good blogging, if you know what I mean...

I'm a horrible blogger. I have jotted down so many things to 'blog about' at a later time and the list keeps getting longer and yet I waste my time doing stupid things and being the opposite of productive. I sit around for hours reading other blogs and voting on fashion disasters on gofugyourself.com when I should be writing my own blog or, I don't know, cleaning my apartment or something boring like that.

I have so much going on and a plethora of topics to write about yet I feel the need, nay, the uncontrollable urge to watch every single episode of "The Bad Girls Club" on the Oxygen Network and the like just because it's on. I already had this procrastination problem before I gave in and got cable. Now it's even worse. But I love it so. Cable, I love you. (On a side note: I'm totally impressed with myself for actually using the word plethora, and correctly, I might add. You should be too.)

So the next few weeks will hold exhilarating tales of cat pee and failed baking attempts. Of overindulging and urgent care. Of Steven Seagal and kitten farts. Of Deadwood obsession and wardrobe malfunctions. Of retarded birds and whooping cough. Of bums with Tourette's and air bag burn. Of falling out of bed and Netflix comas. Of funeral processions and high school boy trends. All this and much, much more.

I know you are excited. Thrilled beyond comprehension. I need you to calm down. Calm down! No, down! Stop humping my leg! Sheesh.