We went out for Daniel's b-day on Saturday night and all started off well. Daniel's drinking, hanging with his friends. Tammi, Travis, his friend and I are tossing a water bra sack around the restaurant, just minding our own business. (Don't ask...normal evening for us.) And mind you, Tammi and I aren't even drinking, people. This is just us normal. As all this is going on Daniel's friend "Jesus" (not his real name, but that's what it said on his gas station shirt) is buying him shot after shot after shot after shot...you get the point. And Daniel, being the nice boy he is, just keeps taking the shots. (Next time just pass them along or fling the shit over your shoulder, man). So we go to Dos Gringos and yuck it up at a table with some more random people we don't know.
At this point Daniel has downed about 25 shots. He should be dead. He casually begins to smoke a cigarette and throw up on the table and smoke his cigarette and throw up some more. No one really even noticed. If there was a suave way to puke, this was it. So we sneak away from the puke covered mess, paid the waiter $50 to clean it up, and Daniel heads off to the bathroom to finish getting rid of the 25 shots. His friend Jesus decides that he doesn't need to help. I don't know much about "guy code" but I know if one of your boys is sick from the shots your ass is buying him, you make sure he makes it into the toilet dammit.
But no. Jesus yells at Tammi. YELLS at his friend’s girlfriend. THEN his bitch-ass-blonde-too-good-for-everyone girlfriend fucking ashes in my drink. The drink I am holding. I wasn't even facing the conversation! She thought I was standing there holding a cup just for her to ash in! Oh, HELL NO! They broke that shit up before the stilettos came off which let me tell you, Jesus and his bitch are lucky. I hear a stiletto in the eye can leave nasty-ass scars. Jesus and Trashy AshyMcFlicker would have been sporting matching eye patches for a while after that.
But no. Jesus yells at Tammi. YELLS at his friend’s girlfriend. THEN his bitch-ass-blonde-too-good-for-everyone girlfriend fucking ashes in my drink. The drink I am holding. I wasn't even facing the conversation! She thought I was standing there holding a cup just for her to ash in! Oh, HELL NO! They broke that shit up before the stilettos came off which let me tell you, Jesus and his bitch are lucky. I hear a stiletto in the eye can leave nasty-ass scars. Jesus and Trashy AshyMcFlicker would have been sporting matching eye patches for a while after that.
And remember, if you don't throw up on your birthday, you didn't have a good time.
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